Worrying

I am always worrying. I worry about everything and nothing. I worry about the fact that I'm worrying too much, and no one else worries this much, and what am I even worried about, and there must be something wrong with me, and oh no everyone can see that I'm stressed and overthinking something dumb, and now they are all judging me.  I worry about little things, like if people on the elevator are talking about me when I have my headphones in.  Or does the person sitting next to me in class think I'm fidgeting too much. Or did everyone hear my voice shake when I said my name for attendance. I worry about big things, like being unsuccessful in my career. Or people thinking I eat too much and exercise too little. Or all of my friends replacing me with better people.

Someone told me the other day that I looked like a loser because I was sitting alone at a party.  What they didn't know was that in order to get to that party, I had to talk with a friend on the phone for an hour, text my roommate to ask dumb questions about the party (How many people are there? How are they dressed? I don't know, do you really think I should go?), and meet another friend for 20 minutes to help talk me into it. They didn't know that I was proud of myself just for making it there. And yet they were able to confirm all of my worries in that moment.

My friend told me people who don't live with anxiety don't understand it. That's why some kid at a party told me I looked like a loser. That's why I was told I should just "chill out" instead of talking to someone about my issues.  That's why my friend laughed at my face turning red when I had to talk in front of a crowd.

And yeah, my friend is right. People who don't live with anxiety don't understand it. But that doesn't make it any less shitty.

Change of Space

This post is really just an excuse for me to share pictures of my newly decorated room.  My walls and bedding have been the same since I was in fifth grade.  So finally, after nine years, I got to redecorate it.  And this time, I had Pinterest; so my room is cute as heck now.  I actually still really loved the old way it looked, but I just needed a change.

This is how my room used to look.  Except the walls were covered in One Direction posters.  And replace the monkey with a Harry Styles cutout.

And this is my room now! 

It's a much simpler look, but I love it.  It's nice to walk into my room and be able to see the walls, instead of One Direction's faces everywhere (although their faces are lovely).  This was a nice and much needed change.  I even framed my posters like I'm an adult or something. 

Changing your space is such a refreshing thing to do.  It's an easy way to get a mini restart.  Honestly, if you're is in a funk and you're able to change up their living space, do it!  Plus you can use it as an excuse to scroll through Pinterest, which is a bonus. 

Summer, Siblings, and Sprained Ankles

This summer, I went to Virginia and Georgia to visit my two brothers and their families.  It was, of course, a great time for everyone, and I found myself again feeling like an old lady saying "These kids grow up so fast!".

We started the trip in Atlanta.  Highlights of this leg of the trip included seeing Tomorrowland with my nieces, and hiking a beautiful trail with the whole fam.  Also messing around with the app MyIdol, which was hilarious.  I'd say a good 40% of my conversations with the girls included at least one "Can I use your phone?".  The two of them are at awesome ages right now (almost 9 and 11), so it was fun to bond with them and have actual conversations with them, instead of just making butt jokes.  (Although who doesn't love a good butt joke now and then.)

We then went to Virginia to visit my other brother and his family.  We had a small birthday party for my little niece who just turned 1, which was as adorable as it sounds.  We also saw her take her first steps which was (surprisingly) exciting.  I hung out a lot with my nephews, as well.  Those two are adorable and rambunctious and sweet little cuddle-y nuggets.

All in all it was a fantastic vacation, except for the part when I sprained my ankle while looking at open houses.  That was kind of a bummer.  A summer bummer.

Goodbye, G312

My first year away at school has officially come to an end. I'm back home now for the next four months and, although I'm excited to be back with my family and old friends, I actually really miss my school. Which I totally didn't see coming. It took me a while to actually start liking my university (like, the whole first semester).  But I ended up really enjoying it in the spring.

Anyway, seeing as how my first year is behind me, I figured I'm now qualified to write about what I've learned as a freshman in college.  And if any incoming college freshmen are reading this, consider it friendly advice.

The Roommate
I signed up to room with a girl I didn't know and had never met before.  When we both first moved in, things were definitely a bit awkward.  But once you get through the awkward, I-don't-know-how-to-act-around-you stage, things smooth out fast.  My roommate and I ended up getting along really well and we became good friends.  Inevitably, there were things that she did that would get on my nerves (like leaving dirty dishes around), just as there were things that I did that would get on her nerves (like not hearing the six alarms I would set for myself in the morning).  You can't really expect to get along with someone perfectly, 100% of the time.  But we managed to get on pretty well for the most part.

 
The Dorm
I had the classic dorm set up: two people in one room, with a communal bathroom down the hall.  I was worried about the bathroom since I had heard horror stories about how gross the toilets and showers could be.  But I think I lucked out with my floor.  All the girls were pretty clean for the most part, and I never had to wait for a shower or a bathroom.  Shower shoes should be worn.  Clean the sink when you're done.  Make sure the toilet flushes completely.  The room seems small at first, of course, but don't worry, you'll have enough space.  Stackable drawers from the Container Store are your best friend.  (Side note: If you want to make friends with the girls on your floor, do it as soon as you get there.  My roommate and I didn't talk to anyone but each other.  We realized pretty early on in fall semester that practically all the girls on our floor were friends except us).

The Freshman 15
Let me just say that the Freshman 15 is real and terrifying.  I started off college by avoiding the dessert table at the dining hall and working out pretty regularly.  It was spring semester that really messed me up.  I didn't gain 15 pounds, I don't think.  To be honest, though, I don't

remember what I weighed before college.  But I think I probably gained around 10 pounds.  So now I'm trying to get back to my pre-college body this summer. Summer '15: the summer of getting #swole.

The Major
Coming from someone who changed my major three times before I even started attending classes, you seriously don't have to figure out your major as a freshman.  Most students I talk to have changed their major at least once.  I'm very lucky, though, to have found my major and feel extremely confident that it's what I want to do.  I've honestly never gotten so excited about school before as I am now.  Sure, some of the pre-reqs suck and some of the beginning classes are boring and repetitive, but it's so worth it.

The Old Friends
My friend group from high school is possibly one of the most close-knit groups of people ever.  We've been friends since middle school, actually, so I wasn't concerned at all when we all went away to different schools.  We're all still friends and we will probably hang out constantly over the summer, but to say nothing has changed would be a lie.  Distance and different time zones and hectic college schedules are bound to take a toll on any friendship.  I didn't expect to feel as distant with some people as I do, but I know that they're still some of my best friends.

The New Friends

Honestly, it took me a while to make good friends at college.  I met a lot of new people in the first semester from clubs (join clubs!!!) but I didn't feel really close with them until spring.  Meeting new people in college is the best, though, especially when they're part of the same major and have similar goals as you do.  I was worried I wouldn't make any good friends in the fall semester, but honestly just give it time and you will find your people.

The One With Uma Thurman

Ah, spring break.  A week of college students going crazy at the beach, participating in wet t-shirt contests, Pitbull is probably walking around somewhere, and there is no shortage of drinking games.  Or, if you're like me, a week of sleeping in until 11 and watching the new season of House of Cards.  I did manage to change out of my pajamas and actually leave my house a few times, though. Look, proof:

Beach Day Numero Uno

Coffee Date

Exploring ft. Dan & Emma 

Beach Day Numero Dos

Pretty Friends & Prettier Food 

Grandma's Birthday and the Magnetic Zeros

Part 1: The Concert 

Last Friday my university put on a FREE concert for freakin' Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros.    It was completely amazing and my roommate and I ended up being in the front row.  They put on an incredible performance, and it made me fall in love with them even more than I already was.  At one point, the lead singer, Alex Ebert, went into the audience right next to me and gave a girl a hug and it was amazing and I was freaking out.  Although I was freezing the entire time, and my toes were numb by the end of the concert, it was totally worth it.

Part 2: The Birthday

This weekend was my grandma's birthday, so I visited my family a few hours away from me to celebrate.  It was nice to see my everyone, and I got to meet my cousin's daughter, Lydia. Look how adorable she is:

We had a little party for my grandma, too, at which she took over 45 seconds to blow out the candles on her birthday cake.  Old people are weird.

This sums up my grandma perfectly.

Overall, it was a pretty great weekend.  It's so nice to get off campus for a while.  I have been loving this semester, but even so it's nice to get away. 

Awwwww

Babies don't do much...

"New Coffee Addiction"

So I've been feeling really awesome recently.  Spring semester has started up and, though I was dreading starting school again over winter break, I have been loving Spring '15 so far!  My classes are pretty great, and much more hands-on than the ones I took last semester.  I'm already learning Premiere Pro and how to write stories for broadcast news.  I also know more kids in my classes now, which is always nice.

I've just been feeling very organized and productive.  I planned out a weekly schedule, started managing yet another social media account for a group on campus, going to the library a few times a week, I've been keeping my space very clean, and I'm (attempting) to start taking a yoga class once a week.  Who knows if I will stick with it but, for now, I'm pretty happy.

don't be fooled by how floral grunge i look

I hope these first few weeks of 2015 are a reflection of how the rest of the year will go.  Oh, and while I'm here, I'll just say that winter break was pretty great too!! My cousin's water broke at a family party and she had her baby the next day, so that's cool; we got in a minor car accident which isn't great, but it added some excitement I guess; my sister turned 21 and bought us alcohoooooooool (but they were basically just wine coolers); and New Years Eve was the best (king's cup, anyone?).

Here, have some evidence of my fun times:

part of da crew reunited

blurry pic from new years

fave pic from new years tbh

me and the sis after eating an insane amount of dessert breakfast food