Listicle of Not Feeling Too Great

I just decided to make a list of how I've been feeling and what I've been thinking about recently.

1. My parents drove up to visit me at my college this past weekend, which was awesome.  I have been so homesick for the past few weeks, it was nice to see them after a couple months of being away at school.  I am still super homesick, though.  I miss driving my car.  I miss my bedroom.  I miss my parents's cooking.  I miss my cat.  I miss the lights hanging in my room.  I miss everything.  Getting to see my parents helped for the weekend, but now that they've left, I'm just sad again.  I cannot wait to go home for Christmas.  

2. Since I don't really know that many people at college yet (even though I kind of expected to have a group of friends after being here for over two months) I'm always hanging out with the same three or four people.  Sadly, as I've been seeing so much of them recently, I've become a bit annoyed with them.  I don't know if it's just me with this issue or not, but if I see someone too often they start to bother me.  If I sound like a bad person or a bad friend, I don't mean to.  I stay friendly when I'm with them, but I could really go for a new crowd of people.  The situation kind of sucks.

3. The new people that I'm meeting are really nice, I'm just not very close with them.  All of them seem to have their lives so put together, though.  They know what they want to do, they've had super awesome internships in New York already, they just seem to know how everything works.  I know I will (hopefully) get to that point someday, with experience and all that, but for now I just feel very intimidated.

4. I've recently become very concerned with my weight, which has never really been an issue for me before.  I've always felt that I was slightly overweight, but just this past week I have been feeling horrible.  It was basically all that I could think about, and I had convinced myself that I have gained about 15 pounds, which I hadn't.  I'm feeling better now, but still not exactly happy with the way I look.

5. I have been feeling overwhelmingly bored and lonely recently.  I feel as though I have no close friends, and all my old friends have completely replaced me.  Again, it sucks.  I just want to be in the opposite of where I am.  But, when I think about being anywhere else, I feel like I would be unhappy there, too.  I'm not sure if that makes sense, but basically I just feel like I can't be happy right now.

This post may make it seem like I'm a super sad person, but I don't think I am.  When I'm with people, I usually end up laughing and talking normally.  It's just when I'm alone, I start to feel a little down.

End the Constant Comparing

Recently, I've been having some difficulties being content with where I am; both geographically and emotionally.  I feel like I'm stuck-- like I'm wasting my time right now when I could be doing something better.  Maybe I'm just having my midlife crisis at 18, who knows?  Either way, I've been kind of bummed out recently and I think a major factor contributing to my bummed-out-ness is that I keep comparing my life to the lives of others, specifically my friends'.

I have friends living in major cities like L.A. and Boston and, as someone who loves and thrives in cities, it is difficult to hear stories of them living it up in big cities when I'm living in a small college town in the middle of nowhere.  They can go to concerts and parties and meet celebrities, as well as get better internships based on their locations, and I have a tendency to dwell on that.  I can't look past what could be if I were somewhere else, instead of taking advantage of the opportunities that I have around me.

This post is going to mainly serve as a reminder for myself.  If we are constantly comparing what we have to what others have, we will never be happy, because someone out there will always have it better than you.  It's all about attitude.  Once you start looking at what you have around you and figure out how your environment can benefit you, everything turns around.  I still have a long way to go until I'm fully happy here, and I know that changing your entire outlook and attitude is easier said than done, but at least I'm trying.